


Messages

by SamJoinedtheReconCorps



Series: A Flame in the Shadows [10]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Essek is starting to realize his feelings, M/M, Minor Angst, Softness, because he's living in that sweet sweet denial, but he does not wish to look, hand holding, he does not wish to see, post ep 75, spoilers for ep 97
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:08:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23086795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamJoinedtheReconCorps/pseuds/SamJoinedtheReconCorps
Summary: Essek gets a few messages from the Mighty Nein, both requesting his assistance and keeping him updated on their mission's progress. When summoned to help, Essek is - although he'd never admit it - quick to be of service.
Relationships: Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Series: A Flame in the Shadows [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648909
Comments: 24
Kudos: 174





	Messages

**Author's Note:**

> ohhhh booooiiii, here I am, waiting for my logic class to start (we were a class of 100+, now we're down to maybe 20ish given lots of skipping and ditching as people start cramming for finals next week) but I bring a new part to the series!!
> 
> I really hope you guys like it!! I'm trying to potentially get one fic out a day until I'm caught up, but like, with finals literally breathing down my neck that may be a little harder to manage
> 
> but alas, I shall persevere!! I hope you guys like this fic :))

_ Who are the adventurers? Have they returned to Ghor Dranas since they delivered the beacon? Who are they? _

Essek had deflected and avoided the question every time it’d been asked. He’d feigned ignorance every single time, keeping his voice curiously blank to keep them from reading into it.

_ Are they, by any chance, called the Mighty Nein? _

He knows that his denial is shaky when he gives it - his throat constricts even as he mentally sends the message. He knows nothing. He knows nothing. He knows nothing.

No other message comes through.

The rest of his day is tense and unproductive. His mind keeps going to the Mighty Nein, to how the Cerberus Assembly knows their name. It makes his skin crawl and sets his nerves on edge, but he tries his best to keep everything under control. The Mighty Nein are in the Greying Wildlands anyway - and the Assembly has no idea of that.

“ _ Hiiiii! _ ” Jester’s voice cuts through, later that afternoon when Essek is in his study, safe in the confines of his own home. “ _ Here with Caleb. Just wondering, can you keep that Scourger alive a while longer, please? He wants it kept alive for awhile longer, please.” _

It feels like there could be no worse time for her message to come through.

“ _ Jester, um, I, ah, I will do what I can, but my power is still limited against that of the Dynasty. Uh, House Kryn, the -” _ Essek starts, and when he feels the spell cut him off he quickly casts his own.  _ “- den has no interest in keeping the prisoner alive for much longer. I shall try.” _

“ _ Uhhh, _ ” Jester starts, her response coming through with her uncertainty clear in her voice. “ _ Well, he said that it is going to be hard for him because they don’t really care and they want to kill the Scourger - _ ” And Essek realizes that she doesn’t know that she’s responding to him, he realizes that she’s talking to someone else - talking to Caleb.

There’s a few seconds of silence before Jester messages him again.

“ _ Caleb thinks that because of his history, he may be able to learn something about himself that would help you guys if it's alive. You -” _

Essek rubs his forehead, at the spot where he can feel a headache starting to come on. “ _ I will do my best _ ,” he replies. “ _ I make no promises but I will implore their mercy.”  _ He glances over at the reports on his desk, at the paperwork that says that after two weeks the Scourger is to be executed - the timeline he had managed to get. “ _ I will do my best, but no promises. _ ”

No other messages come through from Jester.

Slumping into his desk chair, Essek holds his head in his hands.

Even though he wants to help Caleb, he isn’t sure how he can keep this Scourger alive - especially when keeping her alive poses such a risk to himself, and now, the Mighty Nein. He looks out his window, staring out at the expanse of darkness of Rosohna. In the distance, he catches sight of the Xhorhaus’ tree, illuminated by  _ daylight _ spells. Against all odds, its thrived.

He squares his shoulders, taking a shaky breath. Against all odds, he’ll thrive too - and keep them safe at the same time.

* * *

“I can send a message to Essek and see if he’d be down to help us?” Jester suggests, looking around at the group as they debate on how they should make their way to Mythburrow.

Caleb wants to instantly agree - Essek has shown that he’s reliable, and Caleb trusts that he’ll get them to Mythburrow in one piece. However...he really doesn’t want to push their luck by asking Essek for help so often.

He scratches at his arms, the needles of anxiety from seeing the residuum at the Plexus Post still present at the back of his mind.

They decide to go see Reani’s friend, a local Glassblade. They need to figure out how to get back to Uthodurn, probably by way of the Vellum Steeple, which Nott and he are banned from after their “modern literature” fiasco to snatch the magical page - so even if they do go back home and see if Essek can help them, that’ll be later.

_ Home _ , he thinks curiously. It’s nice to think of the word and have their Xhorhaus come to mind. It feels grounding, stable.

He puts his hands in his pockets.

* * *

It's not too late in the day when Jester’s message comes through.

“ _ Okay, further developments on our mission _ ,” a strong, and rather composed start. _ “We need your help again to travel a great distance. It's of dire importance. What do you think? Can - _ ”

“ _ Why, if it is of dire importance, I will do what I can, _ ” Essek answers back. He hasn’t used his highest level spell today - and to his surprise, he had actually prepared it. He had nothing to do elsewhere that would require him to leave Rosohna, and yet here he was, preparing a  _ teleport _ as if he were just hoping. Or maybe preparing it so that if he hears they need help he can go to them in but a moment’s notice. 

The realization makes Essek feel a little vulnerable - and that makes him skittish and uneasy. It makes him want to be his cool, guarded self again. “ _ But please, my skills are not, uh, given parlor tricks. Be mindful. _ ”

_ “No, no, no, no, no - we don’t think that!” _ Jester immediately messages back, reassuring him with a conviction he wishes he could feel. _ “You’re very powerful and we just need your help. We don’t take it for granted. Do -” _

And even though her words were reassuring enough, it really drove her point home since she’d used a spell just to tell him that. Some of the nervous tension leaves his shoulders. “ _ Very well. I will, um, await your arrival in Rosohna and will do my best to be of aid. _ ”

When no other message came through, he continued his work with spell augmentation. After all the favors he’d called in, he needed to create something for his den so that they could be in his debt again. He needed to keep those favors in hand just in case the Mighty Nein ever needed some extra help.

* * *

Getting back to Rosohna went like how it usually goes - they arrived, the guards straightened, their weapons raised defensively, they saw that the Mighty Nein had their symbols of the Bright Queen, and they were escorted out of the Underarches. The only difference this time was that Reani threw up a little as soon as they arrived, and then they were escorted out.

Caleb wondered if the guards would eventually be receiving a raise in their pay with the kinds of things they were bound to deal with now that they would be using the  _ teleportation circle _ more often.

Despite having just thrown up, Reani looked like a kid in a candy store, absolutely eager to run and explore and see what new things Rosohna had to offer. It was a push and pull as she was clearly struggling with herself to remain with the group - a struggle that Jester and Fjord were at opposite ends of, as Jester enthusiastically told her about the tree and the hot tub they had at the Xhorhaus while Fjord tried to keep Reani from just bolting and running off into the city.

“We’re going to see Essek, right?” Fjord reminded them.

“Can we go?” Reani whispered to Jester.

“Well, we should speak to Essek,” Caleb said, agreeing with Fjord. He tried to ignore the mischievous smile Jester and Reani shared as he continued, “I need to speak to Essek, promptly.”

“We should check in at the house anyway,” Beau shrugged, throwing her staff over her shoulders.

Jester straightened, turning to Caleb. “We should show Essek the - piece of paper.”

“Yeah, a-absolutely,” Caleb nodded. He did want to show him the page they’d torn out of the book. He hadn’t quite figured out exactly what it was, but he knew Essek would probably know. However, that wasn’t exactly why he wanted to talk to Essek.

“I should make sure Dairon’s okay,” Beau mused, falling into step as they began to slowly walk back towards the Xhorhaus.

Reani was looking around at everything in awe, only barely remembering to keep up with them as they went.

“And that she’s probably folded our laundry by now,” Nott joked. Beau threw her a smug grin, amusement clear in her eyes at the notion of Dairon doing laundry.

“Perhaps we should tell Essek to meet us at the house and that’s where we should take care of things,” Caduceus suggested, glancing down at Jester.

“Yeah,” Jester nodded. She frowned. “Oh - yeah, I can do that.” Then she brightened excitedly, “Yes, I can do that! I have the pearl, I can do that.”

Pulling out both her  _ Pearl of Power _ and her copper wire, Jester makes a few practiced flourishes with her hands before she says, “ _ Don’t worry, we made it totally safe. We’re back here, just heading to the house if you want to meet us there. We have something _ cool to show you - we have a friend with us. Don’t be surprised, see you sooooon!”

She goes quiet for a second, then she looks around at everyone. “Get our stuff ready, he’s coming.”

“Okay, okay, okay,” Nott nods. “Let’s go.”

“I actually, ah - I will meet you all there,” Caleb tells them. He lifts his component pouch. “I need to stop by and restock.”

They give him a nod and a wave, continuing on their path as he peels off from the group, heading to one of the component shops Essek had shown him during those few days before everything had happened at the Overcrow. Even though it was only a little over two weeks ago, Caleb thinks back on that memory with fondness. He hopes he’ll be able to make more memories like that - hopefully enough to eventually outweigh all the bad ones.

* * *

Even though he hadn’t expected the Mighty Nein to return within a few hours, Essek was indeed relieved to hear that they were back - even if he was to go take them somewhere else in a while. It was just nice to have a point of reference to see that they were all still in one piece.

Leaving his spellcraft and experiments was easier this time as he left his house, heading for the Xhorhaus not too far away. He was just gliding into view of the house proper when he saw Caleb also walking down the street towards it, coming from the opposite direction.

He gives Essek a small wave, waiting for him at the gate.

“Hello,” Essek smiled as he got within earshot.

Caleb, despite looking rather tired, smiled back. “I am sorry we keep requesting your help on such short notice.”

Essek gave him a small shrug. “If I can be of assistance, I will do my best to help.”

“Thank you,” Caleb said quietly, opening the gate to allow Essek to pass. His smile had softened, expressing how grateful he was.

Not wanting to be caught basking in Caleb’s rare moment of softness, Essek floated past - catching sight of the flower crown that sat on Caleb’s head, with the colorful flowers highlighting the fiery red of his hair while also bringing out the blue of his eyes. Essek really had no idea how he was going to keep his eyes off Caleb.

They both made their way up to the house and inside, where Essek could see the rest of the Mighty Nein assembled, all wearing flower crowns - as well as another, new face. Now Essek knew what Jester had probably been trying to say before her spell cut off.

“It is good to see all of you well,” Essek greeted. He turned to the new woman, taking in her dark skin and golden eyes and golden - halo? “And this is the friend you were talking about?”

She leans in towards Jester, saying something quietly under her breath. Jester responds with a nod and a not-so-quiet, “I know!”

“If I might inquire, what is your name?” Essek asks - both to be polite but also to do his due diligence as the Shadowhand. He should get to know the newcomers that arrive in Rosohna, especially when those newcomers are friends with the Mighty Nein.

“It’s Reani,” she answers quietly, shyly.

“Well, welcome.” He searches her face, and he can’t really place where exactly in the Dynasty she’s from. “Where do you hail?”

“Nico…” she mumbles, trailing off.

“What, um,” Veth prompts, leaning in closer to hear Reani.

“Sorry, I mean, you’re speaking very quietly,” Fjord points out - and he sounds different.

“Hm, um,” Reani hums, clearing her throat as she runs her hands through her hair nervously. “I’m from Nicodranas.”

Essek gives her a curious nod. She definitely seemed diametrically opposed to the loud and rambunctious nature of most of the Mighty Nein.

“Me, too!” Jester told him.

“Indeed,” Essek acknowledged. Definitely, definitely different despite also being from where Jester is from. “So, you required my assistance? My time is -”

“Yes,” Veth nods.

“Really valuable,” Jester finishes for him.

“- limited,” he said delicately. He didn’t want to be rude, but he had a lot of work to do to amass his favors and prove his worth to his den and the Dynasty again, so that he could remain in good standing.

“Remember how you teleported us somewhere,” Veth started, shifting from foot to foot.

“Yes, to the, ah, Greying Wildlands.” It had only been about three days since he’d taken them out to get them close to Kravaraad.

“We need to go somewhere else,” Veth said, looking sheepish at their request.

“Whereabouts?” Essek asks. If he’s already agreed to help, they have no reason to be sheepish.

“It’s called Mythburrow,” Jester tells him.

“Very well,” Essek nods. He’s going to need to see a map to see where they’re going.

“Have you heard of it?” Jester asks.

Essek thinks for a half second. “No.”

“We have a map,” Fjord reminds them - and yes, definitely different. The accent, perhaps?

“So we do have a map,” Jester repeats. “But also I was thinking what if I, like,  _ scryed _ on the dragon?”

_ D-dragon? _ Had he heard that right?

They devolve into a short discussion on the merits of  _ scrying _ on a  _ dragon _ , with Jester pulling out her components to begin the spell as she sits down on the ground.

“Do we need - do we need to do this? Just to get - we’re doing this to get a location so that we can  _ teleport _ closest -” Veth starts.

Jester turns to Essek, “Wouldn’t it be better if I could give you a description of what it looks like?”

“That would probably be helpful to us, to a minor extent,” Essek answers slowly. His mind is still trying to process what he’s been hearing. “As I have not traveled there, it’s going to be challenging, but not impossible.”

“Perhaps also not attempting to, uh, teleport directly on top of the dragon,” Caduceus suggest.

“Well, yeah, I know that,” Jester shrugs, hands still hovering over her components as if debating whether or not to go through with her  _ scry _ .

“Like, maybe, like, a mile or two away -” Caduceus continues.

“So, I’m just mildly curious,” Essek cuts in. He looks around at the group, gaze landing on Caleb. “Dragon?”

Beauregard and Jester both try to explain, mentioning someone called Gelidon as Caleb gives him a small shrug. “It’s a story with many parts.”

“He’s a piece of the puzzle in us trying to accomplish our overall goal,” Beauregard summarizes.

“Alright, so you’re going to a dragon,” Essek says, hoping that that’ll make it sound less insane. It doesn’t.

“Yeah,” Jester nods. “Have you heard of iceflex?”

“No,” Essek answers again after a second, because he really has no idea where they’re going or what they’re up to and all he can do is help them get there and hope they don’t get themselves killed.

“It’s mithral that’s been breathed on by a dragon, a white dragon specifically, so we have to go there and get him to breathe on the mithral so that we can go and get this sword fixed so that we can defeat the Laughing Hand and, you know, serve - serve the Bright Queen like she wants us to,” Jester explains in a rush that Essek can barely nod along and keep up with.

“Pretty standard stuff, really,” Caduceus shrugs.

“Quite standard,” Essek repeats. Never, in his little more than a century of life, would that have fallen into “standard stuff.”

“But here’s the thing, like, can we sleep before we go?” Jester asks.

“Well, I thought we would sleep once we’re there,” Caduceus says, looking around at everyone. Fjord and a few others nod their agreement.

Jester doesn’t seem convinced as she starts putting her  _ scrying _ components away before she stands. “But why, why would we do that when we could sleep here instead?”

“To get a better sense of where we are,” Caduceus explains.

“But what if something attacks us there and we’re not rested and we could be rested and go -” Jester continues, but Caleb cuts her off.

“Could we put a pin in that for just one moment?” He turns to Essek. “May I ask, too, this is a separate topic -”

“Yes,” Essek nods, hoping that maybe a separate topic with Caleb will be enough to help his mind wrap around their plan about white dragons and iceflex and fixing swords.

“Um, how is the timeline that we have discussed?” Caleb asks.

Essek sighs heavily. It had cost him a lot to help Caleb with his request. “We are, um, looking at an extension of maybe two more weeks, but I have pushed to the extent of my ability.”

“Well, if we leave in the morning, um, we have two weeks - that’s good, I have time, but, I - perhaps tonight?” he rushes out. “Now? Today? Would I be able to get in to s-see this prisoner again? Or, or sometime -”

Which reminds Essek - he exactly hadn’t put in  _ that _ request yet. With all his work pushing the execution back, he’d forgotten to put in another request at an interrogation from Caleb.

“There needs to be a bit more of a - an acknowledgement in advance,” Essek tells him. “Even I have my limitations within my den.”

“Of course,” Caleb nods, understanding.

“And I’ve already pushed that to a limit to make good on your request.” He drops Caleb’s gaze for a second before meeting it again, “Um, if you intend to leave, well, tomorrow -” They had no need for him now. He was of no use to them now - not when he couldn’t even take Caleb to see the Scourger again. “- then I’m not entirely certain why you summon me now. If you intend to leave tonight - either way, you would need a few days for me to bring this to the den.”

“Before we leave tonight then, if, if there’s paperwork or logistics involved, uh - consider this my formal application, then,” Caleb says with a pained smile. It's not like when Beauregard has tried to force a smile to seem more approachable, no - no, this smile is pained in a way that betrays Caleb’s nervousness and his attempt to hide it.

Essek doesn’t comment on it even if it does make him want to reassure the man. “I will go ahead and, ah, put it in.”

“Thank you,” Caleb quietly answers with a small incline of his head.

“Now -” Essek begins, turning to the group.

Jester whispers something to Caleb, but Caleb seems hesitant, his eyes darting to Essek as he shakes his head. Veth, who is standing between the two announces, “I’ll ask him.” She turns to Essek. “Yeah, there’s one thing, there’s one thing. Caleb is, is such a polite young man, he wouldn’t bring this up to you to bother you with this -”

And Essek’s eyes glance over at Caleb, catching the way a light blush is crawling up his face as he looks away, embarrassed and shy from Veth’s words. It's absolutely endearing.

“- but he found an amazing page filled with magic and wonder,” Veth continues. “And you might be the key that unlocks it.”

“Also,” Jester smiles excitedly, “I brought you a present!”

He’s not exactly sure what to expect, either from what Veth is talking about and the now sudden gift Jester is about to bestow upon him. He does manage to give a hesitant, “Yay,” eyeing Jester warily.

From her bright pink haversack, she pulls out a black cupcake. When she sees him still watching it with suspicion she says, “It’s fresh, I swear!”

Taking his hand out from beneath his mantle, he summons the cupcake from her grasp with a small dunamantic pull, letting it float to his palm.

Jester wiggles her fingers, turning to Veth, “I did that myself.”

Essek examines the cupcake, giving it a small sniff to confirm that it is, indeed, rather fresh - and it actually smells pretty good. Finding it impolite to eat in front of them when they aren’t eating as well, prompts him to vanish the cupcake into his pocket dimension for later as he drops his hand beneath his cloak again.

“Oh, he eats with his sleeve,” Veth whispers to Jester, who nods in awe.

“I-I’ve only just acquired this,” Caleb says sheepishly, drawing Essek’s attention back to him as he pulls out a sheet of paper with a frayed and torn edge - and that’s enough to keep him from addressing Veth’s comment. “But it is stumping me a bit. Does this mean anything to you?”

He reaches out, taking the page from Caleb. Their fingers brush in the hand off, but Essek keeps his eyes on the paper and it's writings despite the warmth that he can feel where Caleb’s skin brushed against his.

It takes him a few seconds of looking over the sheet before he realizes what he has to do, the words coming to him easily as he recites the incantation under his breath, his free hand rising to perform the small somatic gestures that accompany it.

There’s a loud tearing sound as all the words on the page flare up, and suddenly there are thuds and tumbling at his feet as two pouches and a round case fall out of the page.

He turns to Caleb, a smile on his face. “I think I figured it out.”

“Ah, sometimes the simplest solutions,” Caleb says, looking down at the dropped items with awe before turning that same look onto Essek, “Escape us. I’m in your debt again.”

“Mhm,” Essek hums, revelling in the way Caleb’s looking at him. He hands him back the paper.

“Thank you,” Caleb breathes, taking the paper from him - and there it is again, the hesitant brush of skin on skin that Essek wants to commit to memory.

Caleb looks away, tucking the paper into one of his many pockets before quickly scooping up the dropped items, putting them in his pack for safekeeping. Essek watched him, watched the slope of his shoulders and with a start he realized that Caleb was wearing his warm coat - the one he’d included in their supplies for cold weather with the hopes that Caleb would wear it. Looking up, Caleb sees Essek watching and gives him a small smile.

It was hard to keep from smiling back, especially when Caleb looked so much younger when he did it - and especially when he realized how much he liked seeing Caleb in his clothes.

Fjord and Caduceus show him where Mythburrow is on the map, pulling his attention back to the coming task. Noting its location, Essek is fairly certain he can get them there - without trouble, hopefully.

“Shall we away then?” Veth asked once Caleb was all done and Beauregard came back to the group from the kitchen where she had apparently wandered off to without him noticing.

They all gather in a circle around him, with Essek to his right again. Essek goes through the motions, saying the incantation under his breath. When the ground begins to heat beneath them, he extends a hand to Caleb.

He takes it, threading their fingers together and giving him a small squeeze.

Essek can feel someone else grab his other hand, but once again he doesn’t bother looking at who as the spell takes hold, suddenly pulling them away from the Xhorhaus and thrusting them out into the middle of a mounting snowstorm at the base of a mountain. 

The mountain, which should have been imposing in it's own right with it's severe, rocky incline, is only made more intimidating as the rock gives way to jagged frost and ice that seems to almost rise out of the mountain itself like thorns of ice that pierce out of the icy veins of its side.

He turns to the group, sees the way they’re all taking in their surroundings with varying degrees of worry or determination.

“You’re crazy,” Essek gets out, because he doesn’t think he could ever do what they’re doing. He doesn’t think he could ever be that recklessly brave. “But good luck,” he finishes, giving Caleb’s hand a squeeze.

Turning to Caleb, he sees the way that snowflakes have already fallen onto his hair and flower crown and have begun to accumulate on his eyelashes. He’s cheeks are growing pink again, probably from the cold, and Essek finds his eyes drifting further down to Caleb’s lips. Essek wonders how soft they might be.

Essek takes a step back, reluctantly dropping Caleb’s hand. “Alright, friends, I’m, ah, not staying very long.” Even though, surprisingly, a part of him wants to, which is absolutely ridiculous of himself to feel. “This is ridiculous,” he says out loud to himself before turning back to the group, “Have fun.”

And with that he turns around, disappearing into the flurry of snow as Jester’s distant, “Thank you!” rings out behind him. He needs to get back to Rosohna, needs to get some distance between himself and the Mighty Nein. 

Finding a patch of stone that would do the trick, he uses some dunamancy to clear as much snow as possible before he goes to work drawing the  _ teleportation circle _ . He just needs to get some distance between himself and Caleb, he thinks as the spell begins to take effect, and Essek is between heartbeats before he’s in Rosohna again. He looks out into the snowstorm, to where he knows he left the Nein.

He has to get some distance between himself and Caleb, he thinks, because for a frightening, terrifying second, all he’d wanted to do was close the distance between the two, and seek out the warmth of his touch - and the softness of his lips.

**Author's Note:**

> I needed, just absolutely NEEDED Essek to have that moment of "oh shit" but still be able to like, ignore it and run from it for the most part. Like I love a character that refuses to see what's right in front of them, it makes for some Good Shit
> 
> and also like, him fearing for them because of those questions from his Assembly contacts. That's some good angst too
> 
> anyway, thank you so much for reading, and I hope to see you guys soon with something new!!
> 
> this fic was inspired by:  
> Uthodurn | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 73 - Live From Indianapolis! - 3:25:00 - 3:29:30  
> Manifold Morals | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 74 - 2:50:00, 3:25:00, 3:46:20, 3:54:50 - 4:08:15  
> Rime and Reason | Critical Role | Campaign 2, Episode 75 - 12:25


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